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Jim Edwards helps a baby music business website fix their funnel sales page. From graphic issues, auto-play video, colors of the webpage, titles, bullets, pictures with babies, and removing special deal, Jim gives constructive and useful criticism to the baby music business website owner. Check out this Ten Minute Funnel Fix by Jim Edwards.
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Transcript…
Jim Edwards: Hey guys, Jim Edwards here, and welcome back to Funnel Scripts live today…
We have for you and another 10-minute funnel fix…
So welcome Mr. Stew…
Stew Smith: Hello Jim, how are you, sir?
Jim Edwards: I am absolutely fantastic…
And so what we’re doing now is I’m setting up the egg timer, and we’re going to give 10 minutes of absolute amazing wonderfulness to a Funnel Scripts and Click Funnels user…
So what’s up?
Stew Smith: All right, well, I will say this may take a little more than 10 minutes…
There’s some minor issues here, but I’ll let you be the…
Jim Edwards: Judge of that?
Stew Smith: Yeah, you can be the judge…
This is for that Jessica, and she runs a website and business where her target audience is moms with babies…
Jim Edwards: Okay…
Stew Smith: Under a year and a half old.
Jim Edwards: it’s all about music and helping soothe the Savage baby…
So anyway, she’s still an online music class for moms to do…
For the from the comfort of their own home and their own schedule and she’s having some problems with her…
She’s doing well with opt-ins on Facebook; however, no one’s buying…
Jim Edwards: Okay.
Stew Smith: So she is basically failing to close the deal here…
And you use the VSL Wizard short version seems to work well for getting attention.
But it’s like I said, no one’s buying.
Jim Edwards: Okay…
So let’s go over and take a quick look.
And we’re actually going to start the egg timer just to keep us with some semblance of a time on this.
I’m assuming this is after somebody has opted in, they’re seeing this.
All right…
First thing right now, all this crap needs to go…
You are wasting a third of your above the fold on stuff that has nothing to do with anything…
Second thing, these colors are not good…
Sorry…
But these colors and this background and all this other stuff is totally distracting…
And I don’t know that much about colors, but I know that this just doesn’t look or feel right…
So get rid of all this stuff up here because it’s not working and it’s robbing you of a whole bunch of stuff…
So now let’s look at the headline package…
So this should probably say attention moms of small babies age one month to one and a half years, something like that.
Or one to 18 months.
Yeah…
Okay…
Congratulations…
You’re after a great start and money with the baby through music.
But don’t stop here.
This is not a benefit-driven headline…
I’m not sure whether she is selling music to make the kids calm down or whether she’s selling a course on how to make music with the kid…
But this is not good…
This is not a benefit-driven headline…
It needs to be something like how to use music to increase your kid’s intelligence while also keeping them calm and whatever it is.
Stew Smith: Relax and fall asleep.
Jim Edwards: Calm and relaxed and well adjusted…
Used music to raise a calm, relaxed, well-adjusted baby and dot, dot, dot, and maybe even improve their intelligence at the same time…
This right here, I’m gonna be honest with you kind of pisses me off…
This shows that you haven’t been paying attention…
Why in the world would you offer in your headline package?
Watch the video below for a special offer and stick around to the end to learn how to receive your complimentary US resorts day.
This has absolutely nothing to do with this.
All this does to me.
If I was reading this would make me think, what is this like in a pitch me on a timeshare?
What is going on here?
You have totally destroyed anybody’s mindset that might have been looking at this…
Okay?
The next thing you need to do is you need to have a video that doesn’t say VSL with complimentary vacation…
I can tell you that right now…
Number two, it should autoplay…
Go get a Wistia subscription…
Go hack some code…
Go find some way to have that video play automatically when you roll up in here…
But it’s got to happen otherwise…
This right here, check out what other moms are saying after reading this headline.
I don’t care what other moms are saying, I’m, I know I’m being brutal, but this is the truth that you need to hear.
Your ad must be great, and your opt-in page must be really good too…
If you’re getting one out of four people to opt-in, but you are not continuing the conversation that was started with that ad in that opt-in page without even seeing that I can tell you that right here.
So the click play to learn more.
If you get something that auto-plays, then you can get rid of this.
And again, you’re saving yourself maybe 20% of your above the fold space here.
So get course access, I click this, nothing happens.
Are you looking for ways to spend more time with your baby?
Again, separating these sections with this.
This is hard to read this purple on this teal background.
It’s just hard to read…
the other thing is that there’s no real benefit in here.
It’s spending more time with your baby.
That’s kind of a feature.
What’s the benefit of that?
Are you looking for more ways to spend quality time with your baby to improve their intelligence, and you’re bonding with them for that’ll last a lifetime…
And then we get in here, but this shouldn’t be separate…
This should all be one big white panel with consistent had subheads and stuff…
If this is what you’re doing, then this section should match this.
And I get it…
Babies are exhausted, and they keep you up at night, and some student helps them on a meaningful with them to bond.
So you’re talking about bonding and development, but this isn’t making me want to read this.
It’s like the benefits are hidden in the copy, then comes the fussy baby…
Do you wish you had some GoTo activities that your baby loves so much?
They’d calm down instantly…
How about what if there was an activity that was fun and also calmed your baby down instantly?
Would that get you excited?
Something like that…
And go to is also hyphenated…
Okay…
You need to have somebody proof this…
That would be the other thing…
Somebody just really good with grammar and punctuation and stuff…
Stew Smith: Yeah, I like that section there though…
When your baby’s crying?
You do go through this checklist?
Jim Edwards: Oh yeah…
Stew Smith: But diapers changed…
Babies fed doesn’t want to sleep…
Jim Edwards: Right.
That’s the big three.
Stew Smith: That can be the baby checklist.
Jim Edwards: Right…
Stew Smith: Needs to be really prominent (because for years, )
Jim Edwards: Exactly…
Now I’ve gone through it with grandkids.
See what you have to look forward to…
So, but it’s the big three…
Okay…
Have you pooped?
Are you hungry?
Do we need a nap?
Those are the big three…
Okay…
Now, are you bored?
Okay…
So that’s what TVs…
No, I’m just kidding…
Stew Smith: Give them the iPad…
Jim Edwards: Give him the iPad…
That’s what the iPad is for…
You want to play with my phone?
Okay…
So the other thing that’s missing here, but that’s the big idea…
So basically, how about this for a question?
What do you do once you’ve worked your way down the fussy baby checklist?
I like that better…
Okay…
Stew Smith: Yeah…
And this almost comes after that.
Once you’ve gone through that fussy baby checklist, plus you need some pictures here, show a kid crying and then show a kid transformed into happy and laughing…
That’s really where they want.
They want them before and after the kids going nuts, and they want the kid to calm down and actually be in a state that they want to cuddle them.
What if I told you you could do all that without even leaving your home?
That’d be cool.
So here’s my story of how I used music to soothe the Savage baby?
Use that play on words…
I think music soothes the savage baby.
Here’s my story about how I used music to sooth the Savage baby…
Now, of course, I’m not saying my baby’s Savage, but it’s hard to do a little transition after that.
I know no baby is savage, and they all have a reason why they’re crying…
A lot of times it’s because they’re bored…
They need some mental stimulation, and instead of giving them the iPad, here’s a way that you can use music to stimulate them in a way that will build intelligence and build a bonding between you.
Let me tell you a quick story…
When I was in college, studying music education…
And then you launch into this…
The other thing that you’re totally missing here, and I think I already said that, is pictures…
We said the picture up here but show a picture of you graduating with your degree in music education.
Show you with your baby, with some sort of music going on…
Again, I don’t like this…
This doesn’t look right, this section like this…
I just, I don’t like it.
I would also have a picture of you not standing out in the foothills of Arizona, I’m assuming, but have you in some sort of a situation where you are involved with music, with a baby.
Stew Smith: Or a bunch of babies.
Jim Edwards: Or a bunch of babies, right!
And they’re all doing like one of those videos where babies are dancing and doing the macro right now, I’m just playing with it…
Your picture needs to be in context, and this picture is not in context.
Stew Smith: You look happy!
Look like a happy person, which I think is great…
But yeah, like I said, I have some babies…
Jim Edwards: What’s missing here?
A baby…
And there was no baby in this picture…
Did that the baby’s ears are fully developed in the womb?
So what?
I’m not being brutal, but I’m being brutal.
So what is my question?
It needs to be something along the lines of…
It’s true that babies can start hearing while they’re still in the womb…
What does that mean to you and them even at this early stage of their development?
Something like that…
Or here’s how this can either help or hurt there are early childhood development…
That kind of a thing…
As you do act to create memories that last a lifetime…
Again, now we’re getting into kind of some sort of a benefit…
As you do these things with your baby, you can create memories and bonding that will last a lifetime…
Stew Smith: That’s good!
Jim Edwards: And you should show pictures of mommies or some the music-related activity showing all this stuff because you want them to envision themselves doing it.
Okay, so that’s the egg timer.
Jim Edwards: Sorry.
Stew Smith: That is alright we’re almost done.
Jim Edwards: I would say we’ll give it another five minutes or so.
So now introducing family music for babies at home.
I don’t like that title…
I’ll be honest with you…
I like Mrs. Herd’s music garden…
I like that…
That’s a cool brand.
I actually think that’s really cool.
Stew Smith: That is neat.
Jim Edwards: But family music for babies at home…
Nope, that ain’t doing it.
I don’t know what the title should be, but I know that at least for me, that’s not it…
There’s no benefit in there…
There’s nothing that tells me what this is going to do…
It’s what it is…
It’s not what it does.
So the smart baby music class I don’t know.
We’ll have to talk about that another day, but I would encourage you maybe go over into Funnel Scripts and use the profitable title script…
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: With this program, you see 15 weeks of guided instruction for you to do music, cross your baby at home…
Check them out below.
This right here when you introduce this…
This is where you, yeah, the family music for babies at home…
This breaks it up too much.
If this is what it’s called and this is what they’re getting, then this should have a different picture here because I’m thinking is this…
If this is the umbrella offer title, then…
This is the baby music course, then this needs to say…
Baby music course.
Stew Smith: Yeah…
Jim Edwards: And it needs to have a different picture…
All this stuff right here…
This all needs to be in the same thing so that it flows from here’s all the stuff you’re going to get…
You’re going to get the baby music course.
And I would go back and look at these and think of these less as telling them what it is and what it does for them.
So looking at these as bullets cause that’s what they are…
You’re telling them what it is, but you’re not telling them what it’s going to do for them.
And at this point, that’s all they care about is 30 minutes a week you’re going to get a cool thing that you can do, and it’ll be amazing.
But this is all, these are all features, and you need to at least do features and benefits or feature benefit meaning you can use inside of Funnel Scripts; you can use the bullet scripts as well.
Check out these exclusive bonuses that you can’t find anywhere else…
I would actually retitle this to get these amazing bonuses when you act now.
It’s not that you can’t find them anywhere else.
I hate to break this to you, but there are lots of Facebook groups out there…
This is not a good graphic for the Facebook group either.
You should show a picture of a whole bunch of moms with a whole bunch of babies that all look happy.
I’m serious.
I mean, you want them to feel like they’re joining a community, not some Facebook thing on their phone…
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: Super cool.
Home instrument guide…
Stew Smith: There’s a baby picture…
Jim Edwards: Yeah, the home instrument guide…
20 surprising items you didn’t know it could be instrumented.
This is like the best thing.
It’s almost like this could be the thing that you led with this…
I never even thought about that…
All right…
What are some things that we could do?
I mean, think about maybe selling this herd or given this away to get people on the front end into this thing…
Stew Smith: I remember when my kids were little, I just play with the box…
Oh, I didn’t worry about the toy that was in the box…
Jim Edwards: Yeah.
The best way I ever had when I was four was the box the refrigerator came in for real…
That thing lasted for six months in the basement…
It was a Ford…
It was a tank…
It was everything…
Music, tips, and tricks work on the title for this…
This is all what it is, not what it does.
So the basics are here…
Ditch this right now…
Ditch this ain’t net…
And your thing doesn’t work…
This is so out of the left-field…
This is not helping you…
Stew Smith: Yeah…
New moms don’t have time to go three-day vacation anyway.
Jim Edwards: Right?
If you’re not going to get them the price and all this stuff, then get rid of this section right here and give them the 30 days.
Not enjoying this bonding experience to no problem.
You can get your mind…
You need to restate the benefits in here.
If this fails to help you bond with your baby, if it doesn’t help you do this, but it doesn’t help you do this, then no problem.
We’ll give you back your money…
No questions asked…
This is your last chance…
I don’t like that to grab this amazing offer.
You’ve put this before, what the recap is, the recap needs to go in between here, in between the 30-day guarantee in the last chance thing you’ve got, this is not in the right spot.
This right here…
Either move this up, if you’re going to have the order form, either move this up and make it part of this, like integrate this whole thing or put this on a separate page…
But you’re like, I don’t want to say half pregnant here, but you’re half pregnant here…
Either have the call to action here…
So this section here it should go in between this, and then you have your final call to action, which I don’t like that or put this in here…
And kind of combine it with this thing.
So that would be what I would say.
So I can see why you’re having some issues, and I think it comes down to three things.
One, you’re not continuing the conversation.
Number two, the conversation that was started with the ads and the opt-in page when they get to this page, it’s too disjointed as you’re going down the page for a lot of reasons that we’ve already talked about…
And number three, you’re selling them what it is, not what it does…
And you’ve got to do that as well…
So that’s my opinion on all of that, and we’d be glad to take another look once you make these changes.
What do you think, Stew?
Stew Smith: That was a very good explanation of everything.
Little bit thorough…
I think…
Not too harsh…
I will say this, though.
When I first looked at that header, the header just threw me off altogether.
That header is a lot of wasted space…
All of the words with multiple colors in the text…
That rhythm of live music, I can barely read that…
Jim Edwards: Yeah.
Stew Smith: With the yellow on white, just make that one color and make it go across the whole header…
Jim Edwards: Or just get rid of it all completely…
This just needs to go away.
And the biggest thing I would tell you if you had this section straight if you had the right headline and you had got rid of this, you had this thing auto-playing I didn’t even look at your VSL, to be honest with you cause nobody’s gonna push play on it.
But you get this right, you got the right VSL, you click get course access…
Honestly, I bet you if you just fix that, and it shot you down to here where people saw everything that they were going to get, and then they scroll down, “Oh, it’s 67 bucks, and here it is”…
I bet you would start making a few sales…
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: This is what’s killing you right up here is what’s keeping you from getting any results whatsoever.
So cool.
Well, appreciate you, Stew…
Stew Smith: Thank you, sir.
Jim Edwards: When you get this redone, take another look.
Everybody have a great day, and we didn’t even do a demo of Funnel Scripts, but Funnel Scripts can help you write all the copy you need and get it done.
Check out funnelscripts.com. I’m Jim Edwards.
Have a great day, everybody.
Bye-bye.