Should Your “Identity” and “Attractive Character” Be Different?

What’s the difference between your identity and your attractive character?

Some people get confused about this question, so let’s first define them.

1. Your identity is who you see yourself as.

It has different elements to it, and each element can be either private or public.

2. Your attractive character is what you put out into the world to draw people to you.

Attractive characters are often manufactured in order to attract a specific group of people.

Some people are able to keep their identity and attractive character completely separate.

But I don’t think that’s wise.

It is easier if your identity and attractive character are the same.

Why? Because you don’t have to remember what you were like or how you should behave with certain people. Of course, you might want to keep some things in your life private.

For example, people often ask me about my passion for guns, which are an essential part of my identity. But for some people, it might not be as attractive as I might expect. So that’s an example of something I don’t share as part of my attractive character.

On the other hand, here’s an example of why I think it’s best to have your identity and attractive character be the same or at least very similar.

People at conferences I attend frequently ask my friends, wife, or team something like this:

‘Hey! Is Jim really like this in real life?’

My wife usually says something to the effect…

‘Yes, this is exactly what Jim is like at home.’ or ‘What you see, is a toned-down version of Jim.’

If I had an identity and attractive character that were completely different, this could turn out really badly for me. Doing so might seem fake, two-faced, or even make me out to be a liar. It would hurt my relationship with my followers.

If you focus on dividing those two worlds between your identity and your attractive character, at some point, someone will notice the inconsistency.

People who follow you are watching!

They analyze every move you make, both consciously and subconsciously.

This can get you into trouble if you have a public persona that is significantly different than the “real” you.

If you’re trying to create an attractive character that you can’t sustain, the difference between your identity and that character will become so big that it implodes.

Here’s something else to think about. Have you ever thought, ‘I’ve told this story before, so there’s no need to repeat it again to the same audience’?

Well, this thinking is wrong!

People are always watching and looking for signs of inconsistencies. They definitely want to hear your story again to check for differences.

The bottom line here is that people are aware of your public persona, and they are looking to find holes in what you are presenting to the world.

And that’s why I think it’s best to have little or no difference between your identity and your attractive character. It decreases the chances of accidentally getting something wrong (and rates much easier to sustain for the long term).

So, if you’re trying to create an attractive character, stick to your real self. Otherwise you risk people watching and waiting for you to fail.

Instead, if you’re showing consistency between your identity and your attractive character, they’ll be impressed.