This is Funnel Scripts Live with Jim Edwards… an Official Click Funnels Production” For more information – See https://FunnelScripts.com
Jim Edwards shows an African safari business owner how to use Funnel Scripts to fix his sales copy and helps a baby music business website fix their funnel sales page. From graphic issues, auto-play video, better titles and bullets, to cool pictures with animals – Jim gives useful constructive criticism to the safari business website owner. Check out this Ten Minute Funnel Fix by Jim Edwards.
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Transcript…
Jim Edwards: Hey guys, Jim Edwards here…
Welcome back to another episode of Funnel Scripts live today…
We’re going to do a 10-minute funnel fix with me…
I have my trusty podcast producer, Mr. Stew Smith…
Welcome Stew…
Stew Smith: Hello, everybody…
Jim Edwards: What have we got today, Stew?
I feel like we’re going on Safari…
Stew Smith: Yeah…
You know what?
Funny you should say that because that’s what we’re doing…
It’s actually a not an uncommon problem even though this is a rather niche market, which everybody thinks that because they have a niche market, that Funnel Scripts won’t work for them, but it doesn’t matter…
It doesn’t matter what niche.
In fact, we’re going to show you today with the Safari he’s going on…
He’s getting people to his website, so he’s doing a good job with that, but no one’s buying.
Jim Edwards: Right?
No one’s digging a little deeper in their pocket and going to Africa to see big game animals. Right?
Stew Smith: It’s a cool bucket list for things to people to do…
Jim Edwards: Or maybe they’re already planning on going to South Africa or some of the other places where they are, but they’re not planning to go see him.
Stew Smith: Right.
So I think in his email he said this isn’t going to work for me because they don’t have problems.
Jim Edwards: And it was a standard thing of it was not gonna work, but we’re going to do a 10-minute funnel fix, and I will show you how this absolutely applies.
So let’s take a look at his funnel.
And I can tell you right now above the fold, there is absolutely no self-serving benefit or anything to grab my attention.
We kind of have the hook with the lion.
But then right in the middle and taking up, I would guesstimate fully one third or 40% of his above the fold is a picture and a little logo and nothing else…
So some web designer thought this was beautiful and the marketer in me wants to throw up.
So we look down here, this is navigation.
Stew Smith: That you can click.
Jim Edwards: Yeah.
That you can click on.
But there’s no headline.
There’s no hook, there’s no headline…
There’s no hook here.
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: Experience one of the finest game reserves South Africa has to offer.
Okay…
That’s the closest thing to a headline that is on here…
And then a knit…
Now I am going to share because I have internalized all these Funnel Scripts over the years so much, but I wrote this down after I went on the run that Stew made me do this morning…
Excuse me that I chose to do this morning.
Now dig this one…
We’ll get all the friends on this one too with the hook at the end…
“Experienced the thrilling adventure of a real African Safari…”
“Oh, benefit without fear, danger, or negative impact on the environment…”
Ah, that came to me running down the road…
That’s not bad…
And I can tell you right now that’s better than what he’s got cause he ain’t got nothing.
So anything would be better than what he’s got…
But we are going to jump on Funnel Scripts now.
Here we go.
Something, something, something, something…
Game reserve is a big five game park in something…
Something, something something…
South Africa…
The I don’t know how to say it…
Reserve, and Africa…
Still wild with 96,000 hectares…
Wilderness awaiting you…
Four by four dusty roads, rolling Hills, sunset signing.
Big five sightings…
I don’t know what big five means…
Stew Smith: I think that’s the big five game animals…
Jim Edwards: But I don’t know that.
Stew Smith: Lions, tigers, giraffes, alligator…
Jim Edwards: Lion, tigers, bears signs or photographs everywhere…
Stew Smith: Hippos may be…
Jim Edwards: Time to Safari in the Bush felt veldt Zulu land…
Okay…
So I think there are some benefits here or at least some features that we could turn into benefit and meaning…
But that’s all buried.
There’s nothing to get me excited or to make me think that this is anything cool other than nothing.
Now looking down here, it’s like this is almost like this is a portal.
So again, there is nothing on here, but features, there’s no benefits.
Full day, big five Safari I mean, full half day, big five Safari.
There’s two parks in one day, bush and boats Safari and that was dah, dah, dah.
There’s nothing here…
It’s all features…
There’s no benefits.
At a minimum…
I would be asking above each one of these…
If you think of each one of these things as an ad, then this would have a headline, right?
Have you ever seen a real live elephant in the wild?
It’s not like a zoo, book now…
And this could be you…
I’m not trying to be like dr Seuss…
Stew Smith: No, I love that…
Jim Edwards: Okay…
I’m strapped for time…
Still see the big five with a half-day Safari.
Strapped for time, you can still experience the wonders of Afro of an African Safari…
I’m live and in-person…
Two parks in a day…
Experience…
I mean, again, we want to see rhinos or something have you ever seen, a real rhino in the wild?
Now’s your chance…
In fact, in two, you could see more than most people see in a lifetime…
Stew Smith: Oh, I love that.
Jim Edwards: They see more than most people see in a lifetime…
Stew Smith: Yeah…
You got to sell these pictures…
I mean, they’re great pictures…
You just got to sell them a little more…
Jim Edwards: I’m going to eat you!
Stew Smith: Those hippos don’t mess around…
Jim Edwards: No, man, they will Jack you up…
Stew Smith: It’d be a hippo safe boat…
Jim Edwards: Bush and boats Safari…
It’s something about land and sea…
You’ll experience the natural beauty of Africa and the wildlife that made us famous.
Something like that.
You’re not selling this.
Stew Smith: Yeah…
You gotta sell the bucket list, right?
Jim Edwards: Overnights…
Aw man…
Spend the night in…
Stew Smith: In the wild, in the Bush…
Jim Edwards: Spend the night in the wild and experience…
Oh, come to experience our nightlife…
Stew Smith: Ooh.
Jim Edwards: Spend the night in the African wilds.
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: Something about on a game reserve and see.
So anyway, I mean this is surf and turf.
Oh, that would be funny.
Surf and turf and a Bush and beach package.
Surf and turf.
I mean, just do something to break these things up.
You’re not selling anything.
Stew Smith: On a scuba package.
Now you’re talking,
Jim Edwards: Oh, man…
Stew the frog, man.
It’s the frogman special…
Stew Smith: Ah, I’d like to see some great whites.
Jim Edwards: Would you be out there outside the cage?
Stew Smith: Swimming like a whale shark.
Feel the whales!
Jim Edwards: Yeah.
Stew Smith: I like that!
Jim Edwards: You’re a former Navy Seal, or I guess you’re never a former, but would you be out there and like nothing but a pair of those kaki, tidy, shorts with a bar in your mouth and a snorkel…
Stew Smith: Not with great whites swimming around me…
Jim Edwards: So I mean, this is pretty cool…
Stew Smith: Cool picture, I can see a zebra…
Jim Edwards: But it needs a caption…
That’s the biggest thing that’s missing…
These captions, you need to have a headline, you need to have a little bit of ad copy here to build an excitement.
There are absolutely no calls to action here.
Each one of these is an opportunity to have a call to action that is unique, not descriptions, and options.
It’s like book your four night packages…
Now, book your adventure.
Now, book your experience of a lifetime.
Now, book your…
You see what I mean?
They’ve got to have the whole thing…
Stew Smith: Yeah, I like that down there…
They’re like, wow…
After a day of like driving around the Bush and now you’re a, you got a pool to hang out and relax in.
Jim Edwards: Oh yeah…
So if you think of each one of these, and we’ve been taught hook story offer
The hook is the headline…
The picture is the story…
Stew Smith: Yeah…
Jim Edwards: And the offer is what you’re putting in here with a call to action…
Each one of these is its own little hook story offer…
Stew Smith: Love it…
Jim Edwards: So that’s why you’re not selling anything, my friend, because it’s not like you don’t have something people interested in, but you’re not selling it…
You’re telling…
It’s the classic thing of telling people what it is instead of telling people what it does.
Instead of selling what it is you’re telling what it is and tellin’ ain’t sellin’.
I got to come up…
There’s a germ of a cool little Jim ism there…
So let’s take the challenge of doing some headlines for this.
So who’s our target audience?
For this?
Is it an adventure?
Stew Smith: Yeah…
I mean, it’s bucket listers…
No?
Jim Edwards: I mean, I understand what you’re saying, but yeah, I mean, do you consider yourself a bucket lister?
Oh, I’ve got a few bucket lists I want to do.
Jim Edwards: Okay.
Stew Smith: Northern lights.
I like to see that.
Jim Edwards: If they can do that when it’s warm.
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Now adventure’s good…
Jim Edwards: Okay…
So I mean, we can change it and venture main keyword African Safari…
Go on a real Safari…
What’s the name?
What do you want him to buy?
I don’t even know…
Stew Smith: I would say the…
Jim Edwards: Game reserve…
Stew Smith: Yeah…
Jim Edwards: There’s something, something game reserve…
Stew Smith: Do one of the pictures below because they had better kind of hooks to it.
Jim Edwards: No, I’m just looking for what we’re trying to sell.
Stew Smith: It’s the five Safari options.
Oh, okay.
You’re trying to sell the park…
Got it…
Just say African Safari…
Does it matter if it’s specific?
Jim Edwards: Yeah, it’s the name of it for the hot headlines…
Stew Smith: Gotcha…
Jim Edwards: But we’ll call this the big five Safari park.
Okay…
The thing I want them to buy here is a Safari.
The Safari experience.
And that’s the other thing, man.
Everything’s all about experience now.
That’s the big thing that everybody wants is the experience.
What’s the thing I wanted to buy is definitely under the radar free little known black hole.
Off the record, what would you say this is unique…
Stew Smith: Well, I mean, some people go to South Africa just to see South Africa, but they’re not going on a Safari…
Now you have a half-day to go see…
Some big game animals that are close by that’d be kind of neat…
Jim Edwards: Right.
Stew Smith: Day trip to see…
Jim Edwards: Well, but it’s, we’re describing the experience.
So it’s, is it under the radar?
Is it free?
Is it little known?
Proven off the record…
Breakthrough…
It’s memorable.
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: Big result they want to have…
So, the two big results that people want to get out of a Safari is they want to create a lifetime memory…
Stew Smith: Yes.
Jim Edwards: And the other thing they want to do is experience…
Stew Smith: Maybe with family and friends…
Jim Edwards: Right…
Stew Smith: So now anytime you do that, you’re not asking for just one customer…
You’ll get multiple customers…
Jim Edwards: Van bring a van.
Stew Smith: Yeah…
Jim Edwards: I’m gonna take everybody out to the Bush.
What’s the number two?
It’s basically experience real big game wildlife in the Bush…
Stew Smith: Yup.
That was the Bush.
More Australian…
No, it’s the Outback.
Jim Edwards: Yeah.
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: In their natural environment.
Stew Smith: There we go.
Jim Edwards: What’s a pain they want to avoid?
Stew Smith: Getting trampled by an elephant.
Eaten by a lion.
Jim Edwards: Yeah.
Stew Smith: Those are big fears!
Jim Edwards: Getting attacked by a rubber chicken…
Yeah.
But you can’t even bring that up, dude.
Stew Smith: I am just joking!
Jim Edwards: I know, I know…
But I mean, I thought the same thing without getting chase down by a cheetah.
Hey, look how fast that guy is…
Stew Smith: I want to make sure my car that I’m driving in is tiger proof…
Jim Edwards: Doesn’t get impaled by a rhino…
I think one of the things would be why is they want to avoid going on Safari and not seeing anything cool.
Stew Smith: Yeah, that is true…
Jim Edwards: I mean, that would suck…
Stew Smith: Yeah…
Jim Edwards: Let’s put that in…
I know that’s not proper, but we’ll see.
Well, we’re only asking for one of those.
Do you think that’s a good one or…
Stew Smith: Well, let’s see…
We can change it…
Jim Edwards: Okay…
We’ll change it…
Okay…
What’s a roadblock they see as holding back from their goal?
What would be a roadblock to go, even if you don’t have a bunch of time to fit it into your vacation, even if you’re short on time to fit a Safari into your vacation.
Cause that’s true.
You brought that up before.
It’s like, “Hey, I’m going to South Africa”.
I didn’t even, you know we’re going on Safari.
No, wait, dude.
We don’t have to take a week to go on Safari.
We could go on a Safari for a day.
Stew Smith: Yeah…
Jim Edwards: How fast can they get results?
Just fast.
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: Half-day.
Stew Smith: Half a day.
Jim Edwards: Okay. Let’s see what we come up with.
All right…
Stew Smith: Ooh, I like those.
Jim Edwards: I don’t know how to create a lifetime memory of family and friends without going on as far and not seeing anything cool, but that there’s something new…
Stew Smith: Well, I mean, just the half of that is pretty good…
How to create a lifetime memory with family and friends…
On a Safari…
Jim Edwards: Yeah. Okay.
Stew Smith: There it is.
How to create lifetime memory with family and friends.
Jim Edwards: How to create lifetime memory with family and friends…
Stew Smith: In a half-day…
Ooh, I like that on a half-day…
Jim Edwards: How to experience real big game wildlife in their natural environment…
I like that a lot right there…
How to experience real big game wildlife in their natural environment.
Dude, they’re really good right there.
Stew Smith: You need some texts right there for sure.
Jim Edwards: I mean that right there would be really good.
Part of me, what I’m not seeing here, and I want to see, is how to experience real big game wildlife in their natural environment and create a lifetime memory with family and friends…
Stew Smith: There you go.
Jim Edwards: I really like that too.
That’s good stuff right there.
Look at this…
How every adventure can experience real big game wildlife and the natural environment…
Even if you’re short on time to fit a Safari into your vacation…
That’s a bullet!
Stew Smith: That is much everything we just said…
Yeah…
Jim Edwards: That could be a bullet…
That could be a sub-headline.
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: That’s good.
Stew Smith: He just, he needs headlines for every one of these pictures…
Jim Edwards: Yep…
Stew Smith: Take your pick…
Jim Edwards: I mean, what I want also see and when I’m not seeing on here, but I came into my mind is how to create a lifetime memory with family and friends with a genuine real, live African Safari.
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: I like that.
I’m not seeing that on here, but it’s pretty cool.
I’m not sure about the without going on Safari and not seeing anything cool…
That’s not really, that’s not good…
Stew Smith: That’s pretty, yeah.
Jim Edwards: Look at this!
This Safari experience helped you create a lifetime memory with family and friends.
Stew Smith: Yeah.
Jim Edwards: You don’t like that?
Stew Smith: No, I love it.
I think it’s great.
I think just by changing the subject to the direct object, and you just flipped it upside down.
That’s awesome.
Jim Edwards: There you go, man…
Discover this real-life Safari experience helps you create a lifetime memory with family and friends…
I like that…
Stew Smith: Guaranteed.
Jim Edwards: Yeah, dude, that’s mint…
Stew Smith: Yup.
Jim Edwards: Yeah.
Like there and it’s not overly salesy.
I mean, that’s good.
Stew Smith: Yup.
Jim Edwards: So again, going through just to not beat this to death, but every one of these should be treated like a hook story offer with a call to action.
Each one of these things is its own little ad pictures are great.
I would even think about having a caption with each picture.
Just a little thing, he’s got this mouseover thing, two parks in two days, three nights far package.
This needs to have a cool caption…
Like, imagine encountering this big fella however they talk in South Africa and in live and in-person…
View from the safety and great view from the boat to endangered African unicorns on standing on the grasslands…
So I mean this just goes to show and do all of these headlines work…
No.
And we don’t know that much about it, but I mean we found some good headlines and didn’t even dig…
So look, top African Safari expert reveals how to create a lifetime memory with family and friends that wouldn’t introduce your guide or (that as a whole person…)
That’s kind of the spokesperson…
I don’t know what would…
Stew Smith: Yeah, that’s really good…
Jim Edwards: See, go on a real African Safari and create lifetime memories with family and friends.
That’s a great headline right there.
I mean, I just edit it on the fly.
Warning…
Here’s what every adventure needs to know about African safaris.
Oh, here’s the perfect solution if you want to create lifetime memories with family and friends even if you think you’re short on time to fit a Safari into your vacation, that would be great on a brochure in a hotel…
Stew Smith: Yeah, absolutely.
And the half-day package.
Jim Edwards: Yeah.
So, okay…
Well, in my opinion, FunnelScripts has proven itself yet again
Stew Smith: It is worthy..
Jim Edwards: In helping people…
If you’ve basically got a product, a service, a Safari that solves a problem or satisfies a desire, then FunnelScripts will work for you…
And if we knew more about safaris other than what we remember from watching Tarzan movies on Saturday morning, black and white with Johnny Weissmuller, maybe we could have done a little bit better.
But I think for two guys who’ve never been on a Safari or.
Stew Smith: Closest I’ve ever been was mutual of Omaha wild kingdom.
Jim Edwards: Oh!
Stew Smith: Remember those?
Jim Edwards: Marlin Perkins and, and the guy that always was in danger was a guy named Jim…
What’s up with that?
Hey, Jim’s going to go wrestle the Anaconda or Jim’s going to go tackle the lion…
Stew Smith: Those were classic Sunday night show’s.
Jim Edwards: Was awesome, man…
And then they’ll show after that it was mutual of Omaha’s wild kingdom…
And then it was, what was the one after?
It was another wildlife show…
Stew Smith: I don’t remember.
National Geographic, maybe.
Jim Edwards: Yeah, maybe.
Anyway, yeah, that was cool…
Stew Smith: Dukes of hazard.
Jim Edwards: Cool…
Well, guys, I think that was good…
That was actually really good, I guess 17-minute funnel fix.
You guys let us know down below what you thought.
But I mean Funnel Scripts does it again and as far as I can see and it’s just a question of focusing on not what it is but what it does.
Stew Smith: Yeah, yeah.
I really liked the way you made the hook story offer for each one of his products that he has on his page.
That was a really great idea.
Jim Edwards: Absolutely.
Okay, so if you don’t, if you have Funnel Scripts, go use it.
If you don’t have Funnel Scripts yet, head on over to funnelscripts.com watch a really great training that Russell and I put together for you, and then you can get it for one time.
You get unlimited access, no more monthly, no more yearly, just pay once, and you have it unlimited…
So I’m Jim Edwards,
Stew Smith: I’m Stew Smith.
Jim Edwards: And we will see you guys next time for Funnel Scripts live where we may do another 10 minute, 15, 13, 27-minute funnel fix, or we may do something else…
Cool and fun.
Bye-bye everybody.